The Beginning of the End of an Eternal Bond
Why are many people so eager to get married? Is it the fact that you have an eternal bond with your partner that will potentially last forever? Marriage is simply the the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife. Why is everyone so eager to have the title of “husband” or “wife?” Marriage is almost nothing but words. Ultimately, today, many people’s “marriages” do not last forever. Over the past 40 years the divorce rate in America has increased substantially. Divorce is considered the legal end of a marriage. Traditional marriage is no longer as common as it used to be. Divorce is now seen in many, many families, and more and more people are getting divorced. People can be happy in a relationship, but is it necessary to get married? Although marriage used to be encouraged and praised, today it is recognized as a choice not a necessity.
Why do people desire to marry? Although marriage is mostly just a title, people still take part in it. Being married is nothing more than a law-built statement. “Humans are communal and seek (and flourish in) social associations, beginning with the family. We are born as the result of human sexual communion; most often and most desirably that intimate communion occurs in a special relational community called marriage” (Wardle). Children are brought into the world learning about marriage so it becomes a part of what’s “traditional.” They want to grow to be as happy as their parents are or once were together. A person will want to have children and a “perfect” family. It’s in a person’s nature to want a family and with it comes the idea of marriage. Marriage was once a popular trend that everyone looked forward to doing whether it was with a person they loved or not. Marriage was needed, and almost forced, especially by parents who chose their child’s spouse for them. “...The history of marriage and marriage law includes the story of many popular fads that seemed to signify revolutionary changes in the nature and structure of the institution of marriage. Eventually, each faded and passed into oblivion, leaving only a few broken human relationships...” (Wardle). The thought of being with one person for a lifetime seems picture perfect, but is it really?
Many, many people are seeing that marriage is not necessary and that they can be happy living with their partner without having it lead to matrimony. Dimitra Hengen, a successful business woman, is one of these people. She states, “A lot of people do much better living on their own rather than in a marriage. I’m not saying that we don’t need companionship, but you need to assess this need against the things you have to give up when you marry, like your independence - and I don’t want to give those things up” (Masci). Partners may be satisfied with just living together or being in a relationship without the “marriage” title. A man or woman can commit themselves into a long term relationships without paying the marriage expenses. A person does not need marriage. Couples are not engaging in marriage because it is too restricting.
Divorce is becoming the new marriage. Over the past 50 years, with marriage rates dropping to a little over 50 percent, divorce rates have increased from 25 percent to 45. Since many people look poorly towards divorce, this should prevent people from marrying in the first place without risking the possibility of divorce. Divorce can be very depressing and makes a person dwell on how much a marriage, or relationship, did not work out. It can be very costly and time consuming, as well.
One main reason why couples decide on marriage is for kids. Have you realized that several young adults and even teens are having children out of wedlock? Marriage is no longer important. Children are not the reason why a marriage or relationships will grow or fail. If a marriage is to work, it will, and if not so be it. “Between 1996 and 2002, the number of cohabiting couples rose from 2.8 million to nearly 4.3 million, a trend that is expected to continue in the coming years” (Masci).
Marriage is known for being extremely expensive. The planning included. Do woman marry for finances? “The money [used to get married] could better be spent on education or job training, which help women become more self-sufficient and less in need of a husband” (Masci). People should only marry if they love their partner, not because of money. Women, or men, should be able to financially support themselves whether in a marriage or not. They shouldn’t depend on a marriage in order to be financially stable. There has been a tax code which requires married couples to pay greater taxes than singles. Many employers now are not favoring “married couples” with special pensions or health benefits. “For instance, Bank of America has redefined ‘family’ to include non-traditional household members - such as domestic partners or adult children living at home” (Masci).
Why does marriage fail? Well there are lots of reasons that may contribute. Today, people have a greater life span due to science. “Any existing cracks in an otherwise placid marriage will often produce significant fractures when such events occur, thus leading to divorce” (Ducanto). Not everyone matures at the same rate, including couples. Since medical science has increased the lifespan of people nowadays, married couples are together much longer than in the past. In the past, marriages would last about twenty years, at most. “During the past 100 years, the average life span of humans... has increased nearly 60 percent from the start of the 20th century (average 49 year) to 2010 (average 78 years)” (Ducanto). Now, since marriages could last twice as long as before, people eventually outgrow each other. They move on and follow different paths in life. Personalities change. People change. And life, also does change. Couples grow apart, maybe they get bored of the same routine and go look for something new. “Indeed, many marriages are destroyed by boredom and the need or necessity by one of the parties to exit the doldrums of their life for some excitement-any excitement-good or bad-known or unknown” (Ducanto). Another common, but not too common issue is that one spouse may engage in an affair or find attraction in another man or woman. As personalities grow and partners outgrow each other, they may engage themselves in someone who better fits their maturing personality. It is not anyone’s fault in particular why marriages fail. People grow and change and those are parts of life. The part of life that has changed today is that marriage is far outgrown and no longer traditional or necessary.
In conclusion, marriage, again, is not a life necessity. The thought of marriage brings happiness, but it’s something you may come to outgrowing. Maybe simply living with your significant other can bring just as much joy and pleasure as a marriage would. Marriages end and people move on to something bigger: divorce. Without the complications of marriage you can start and end relationships simply without dwelling on the failure for longer than needed. People need to continuously grow and develop, and changes will happen. It’s inevitable. Things may grow, and things may fail. Life happens and you have to let it happen. Engage in life not matrimony.
