Inadequate

I'm starting to realize that whenever I have so many thoughts and feelings about one thing, I feel I need to blog about it. So here I go.. again.. I wish I could speak differently. Maybe it's the way I think about things that prevents me from talking in a certain way. I just can't find the right words. Maybe I just don't know the right words. It easily becomes frustrating. Maybe I'm always flustered and then comes the feelings of inadequacy. Have you ever felt so inadequate about everything that you do in life? That's my.. and here comes a time where I can't think of the right word to use. I'm sure this whole entry would sound so much better if I knew of the right words. The one thing on my mind lately is that I don't compare to anyone else on the face of the planet. I never "wow" people. There's no impressing anyone here. It's just not something I do and maybe I should accept that, and be a nobody. Who says being a nobody is a bad thing? Everything I do isn't anything superior or worth anybody's time. I almost feel invisible or a better word, possibly, would be nothing. I feel like nothing, worthless, inferior. Why would anyone waste their time around or with me. I have nothing to offer. I'm not someone that other people miss. There's nothing to actually miss. It's like I have these feelings and thoughts that I just can't successfully express. I try, at least I do what I think is trying. Nothing seems good enough. And maybe it isn't. Maybe it's just not good enough for me which would also make it not good enough for anybody else. I wish there was something I could truly offer to those close to me now. For me, it's heartbreaking that I just can't find that one thing. I wish I could ask for advice and be able to make something of myself. I'm one of those characters in the movies where you see them in the background but you don't. They're not actually characters, just fillers. I'm a filler. I'm walking the earth taking up space. I'm one of the people that make actually adequate people look even better. That's all I am. It sucks to feel this way, and actually believe it too. But when I try to make something of myself, I feel like that's not me. It seems fake and forced. I'm stuck in another cycle. Enough with these cycles already, please.