Friendships

You first develop friendships when you're very young. Sometimes you can't even remember how you became friends, but you are. Growing up together can cause a stronger bond, if you can get through things together. Trust is a big concept in any friendship. I have my friends who I will trust no matter what because they've been there for me so much in the past and can understand me when I don't say a word. They just know. Even when they're not around, they figure things out, they care, they call. You know you can rely on them for anything and they'd be there for you no matter how silly it seemed, or no matter how long it's been since you last talked. They'd walk across a city for you, completely defend you no matter what, and they tell you things that you don't want to hear. You've then grown to understand honesty, love and trust. It's now something that's unconditional.

And then you have the friends that you believe are your "best friends." Yet they fail to show you otherwise. Then, at some point, you make a huge realization about the friendship. You see the friendship for what it really has been. You realize you're laughed at and judged about how you feel. You've been sat down several times to be criticized and told what and how you've done things wrong. Real friends will tell you straight out to your face what you're doing "wrong" no matter where you are, but the real best friends won't have much to complain about because they love you for who you are, even though you're not perfect. They just accept you for being you. Real friends see the changes you've made so far and support you in doing so. They want you to realize things for yourself, not push you to change. They want things better for you not for them. 

Friends don't put you on the back burner so they can hangout with their supposed "temporary" friends. That's even messed up to consider any friends "temporary." Talk about wanting everything for yourself. Some people, I've realized, are so self absorbed that they do everything when it's more convenient for them. They do what they want. Some friends would put aside more important things just to hangout with their friends or just to see them. These friends constantly go places where they don't want to be just to spend time with the people they care about the most. And sometimes the real friends don't get much care in return. Occasionally we voice that we're upset about something and it becomes a huge deal. Yet, the little things that we could voice, but don't, go unnoticed. You will realize during some "friendships" that you'll be used. You'll try to be touched, you'll be flirted with, you could even be violated. You'll be convinced about certain things that you will later realize are not true. You may fall for the "I love you"s and the "I care about you"s but when you put the pieces together and listen to your gut, you'll realize that some friendships aren't what you believed they were the entire time. 

And then you have the friends you fall for. You fall more for words than anything else. Yet when these words are not supported you realize how much of a lie everything has been for you. Friends don't destroy you, no matter what your feelings. A friend will want you to be at peace even if it hurts them. They don't force you to keep your feelings inside when they need to be expressed. Sometimes you need to talk about how you feel or things that have been done with others. When you bottle your feelings up, one day you'll break down completely and go utterly insane. Obviously, you're not truly insane but you sure as hell feel like it. You begin to question everything, and when you do, you start to realize the truth. Some people are meant to be in your life, yet some are not meant to be forever. You learn and grow from experiences in your life. And unfortunately some of these experiences you have to let go of, no matter how much it hurts.